TV Rules

Now, don’t be confused. This is not a post on how fantastic television is (think, “TV RULES!!!” Do folks even use that term anymore? If not, I may have to consider bringing it back. No, I won’t. I never even said it when it was “cool.” Never mind.).

This is a post on what I believe is the most important rule for kids to remember about TV. It is this:

Don’t let your parents watch your favorite show too many times. They will use it against you when you least expect it.

Confused? Let me explain.

Paige and Blair HEART the show “Bubble Guppies.” I, too, heart the show “Bubble Guppies” (Nick Jr., I’m looking at you when I say the word HEART … I heart you the mostest.). They are little “mer-kids” that live underwater. (Wikipedia describes them as living “in a fictional underwater city of Bubbletucky.” Um, duh. I think the word “fictional” is a tad redundant here.)

They look like this:

So cute, right? You should hear the songs they sing. They’re catchy, and I’ve been known to sing along. There is a point here.

So, Paige recently became obsessed with the Halloween episode, and has watched it about 300 times this week would watch it 300 times if I would let her. In this particular episode, Nonny (the shy-ish one that wears glasses/goggles) decides to dress up like a vampire for a Halloween party.

Fast-forward to this past Monday. We were getting ready to go out to lunch for my niece Natalie’s 7th birthday.

Another side note. This is Natalie (aka, Swiper – because, yes, she used to swipe people’s things when she was little):


She doesn’t actually wear glasses – she was at Paige’s ophthalmologist appointment with us, and she wanted to try these on. She DOES actually wear things like the sassy scarf she’s sporting, and she DOES carry things like her little journal around in case she wants to draw something. She is also my god-daughter, and those cute cheeks and that sweet smile melt my heart every time I see them. Forget it – every time I even think about them.

She is delicious, and I wish I could carry her around in my pocket all day – that’s how much I love her. But, I can’t. Because now she’s 7. So, that sucks.

Anyhoo. We were headed to Swiper’s birthday lunch and Paige wanted to wear something “special and fancy.” It was, after all, a birthday celebration. And, if you know the Feldmann ladies, you know that we take birthdays VERY seriously. Paige went downstairs to raid her “dress up trunk,” and came into her bedroom sporting a long, red, crushed red velvet vampiress dress.

Did I mention this was Monday? As in, July 15th, 2013? As in, it was about 150 degrees outside?

The following conversation happened:

P: Mommy, don’t I look cute?

M: Yes, Paigers. You really do. But you can’t wear that outfit – it is WAY too hot today.

P: Mommy! It is Swiper’s birthday! I need to look fancy!!

M: I get it. But you need to go find another outfit in the trunk. One with short sleeves.

P: Nooooooo!!!! (multiply these ‘o’s times infinity – a long fit ensued. I’ll spare you the details).

M: Yep. I’m leaving here in 5 minutes. If you want to come with me, you need to be ready. If you want to dress fancy, you need to pick a different outfit.

P: (I can see the wheels turning at this point, and I know something is coming) Mommy, I just saw Nonny wearing an outfit like this today on Bubble Guppies. It is the same day, and he was dressed like a vampire. He had long sleeves and a red outfit just like this, and he was fine.

She’s smiling smugly at this point, thinking she’s got me here. She KNOWS I can’t argue the whole space/time continuum with her, because she pretends like she doesn’t get it. She KNOWS I won’t argue the “make-believe” aspect here because we use other cartoon characters to illustrate good choices. (I love you too, Daniel Tiger, but not when Paige sings for me to “Use Your Words” when I’m frustrated with her and carrying her to timeout.)

Okay, I’m not certain that she knows these things, but I wouldn’t put it past her. 

M: You’re right, he was wearing that outfit. But, you know what? Nonny lives underwater, and it’s always MUCH cooler at the bottom of the ocean than it is here on land. So he would be comfortable in that outfit where he lives. You will be too hot.

P: Nothing. No words. No response, except to pick her jaw up off the floor and walk out of the room.

Yeah, I did.

Yes, I did people.

I got her. I left her speechless and bested her at her own game. I won. I did it.

Let’s not address how proud I am of the fact that I briefly out-smarted a 4 year-old. I don’t care. I’m still living off the glow of that morning.

Oh, and she ended up wearing this:

IMG_3332Muuuchhhh better.

The Bunbun Saga Continues

You may remember the tragic day that we lost one of Blair’s appendages Bunbuns. Luckily, we still had original Bunbun (which has Blair’s name embroidered on it). And we were lucky enough to find an almost-identical, slightly used (trust me, a good thing in the world of loveys) Bunbun to use as a backup.

Until the fateful day that we didn’t have that backup anymore.

What happened, you ask? A rookie mistake happened. We let Blair take backup Bunbun on a boat ride. In our defense, we had no idea Blair would have such a passion for throwing things overboard. And we may or may not have overestimated our 2 year-old’s ability to be able to discern the consequences of her actions (aka, throwing things off a boat probably means it’s gone forever).

This particular boat ride seemed particularly, um, expensive. Not only money-cost wise, but emotional-cost wise. If that makes sense.

I’ll set the scene:

Blair was on a roll. She started with crackers, which we didn’t think too much about. If a cracker falls on the floor of the boat, it gets tossed over the edge into the water. So, Blair cut out the middleman (aka, the floor) and just tossed the crackers directly from the plate into the drink. Then she set her sights on her big sister.

Sorry ’bout your luck, beautiful necklace that your teacher gave you as a present on your last day of school, Paige. You now sleep with the fishes.

What’s that, special tiny Disney Princess purse Paige has been carrying around for weeks? You love to swim? Allow me.

Dear Paige’s expensive glasses, I hereby decide to see if you sink or float. You don’t float. XOXO, Blair.

You get idea. Somehow none of us did (except my older brother. He later wondered why the hell we didn’t just take everything away from her. If only he had spoken up sooner…)

I think we just all assumed their love was too strong for something like this. We never in our wildest dreams imagined she’d do it. In short … we forgot she was 2.

Picture it all happening in slow motion. Picture lots of adults slowly yelling, “Noooooooooooooo!!!!” as Blair picked up spare Bunbun and deftly tossed him off the front of the moving boat. The front of the moving pontoon boat. I think you see where this is going.

It was like  a horror movie for toddlers. The makings of Doc McStuffins’ worst nightmare. I ran to the back of the boat just in time to see a ridiculous amount of stuffing bloom to the surface of the water. Botsie quickly cut the motor (tangled around which we later found Bunbun’s remains). Derrick (in true dramatic fashion) picked Blair up and covered her eyes. The boat fell silent as the severed head of Bunbun slowly floated by just below the surface of the water. I swear, it was like a scene from Titanic. I’ve never seen a boat with 13+ people on board (and one dog) so quiet.

Blair seemed unaffected. Until about an hour later when she realized she was tired, and her sister and cousins repeatedly reminded her that she threw Bunbun in the water, and he is “all gone. Forever.” Cue the race home to find original Bunbun, and an exhaustive search of eBay for a new backup. (Is this getting confusing yet? Stay with me folks.)

So, that night I order 2 “new” Bunbuns from eBay, and declare that original Bunbun is never to leave the house again.

SIDENOTE: I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it until I die (or until Blair outgrows Bunbun – whichever happens first): Bunnies By The Bay. Seriously? SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!?!? Do NOT make loveys for babies and systematically discontinue them! They are IMPOSSIBLE to find. It’s ridiculous. It’s stupid. And it makes me want to hurt someone.

The new Bunbuns arrive a few days later, and I have to say I was very pleased with the resemblance.


Original Bunbun on the left, newest Bunbun on the right. Maybe a little too fluffy, maybe not exact, but pretty freaking close.

Feeling pretty pleased with myself, I decide to see what Blair thinks. I sneak original Bunbun away from her and hand her one of the new Bunbuns. She stops what she’s doing, looks down at it, looks up at me, LAUGHS IN MY FACE, and says “na ma Bunbun.” Then she ceremoniously tosses it on the floor and walks away.

Folks, this happens EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. we hand her one of the new Bunbuns. I’ve done everything I can to try to “unfluff” them. I’ve left them in the rain. I’ve taken scissors to their pretty, soft fur. I’ve washed them about a million times. I’ve started sleeping with them. I’ve even tried to convince Ramsey to have a go at them.

Nothing. It’s become a joke with our family. Need a laugh? Hand Blair a new Bunbun and watch her mock it. Want to upset her quickly? Grab original Bunbun and hand her “na ma Bunbun” instead (I’m looking at you, Paige). In fact, we have taken to referring to these new additions as Na Ma Bunbun.

She is only allowed to leave the house with one of the Na Ma Bunbuns. So, she leaves the house empty-handed. She is offered Na Ma Bunbun to snuggle while original Bunbun gets a “bath” in the washing machine (which happens almost daily … he is so gross). So, she opts to just sit and cry until he is done.

I think you get the idea. We’re pretty much screwed if anything happens to Bunbun. Na Ma Bunbun isn’t cutting it.

Oh, except for one exception.

Blair now needs BOTH Bunbun and Na Ma Bunbun in her bed to sleep. She tosses Na Ma Bunbun to the corner of her crib, but he must indeed be there before she’ll settle down.

Well-played, Blair.

Well. Played.