My wish is that someday this blog become a sort of “baby book/journal” for my girls to read about their childhood. Yes, yes – I realize there are quite a few explicative-laden posts. But, let’s be honest – it’s not like they haven’t heard it come out of my mouth every now and again, and I’m sure the older they get the less careful I will be about swearing. For what it’s worth, my brothers, my father and I all have HORRIBLE mouths and dirty senses of humor. We get it honestly – my Papo (my dad’s dad) was a real pistol. I think it might get worse with each generation. Sorry ’bout your luck, future in-laws of the Feldmann girls. They’ll be cute and have manners, but they’ll swear like sailors.
Speaking of spouses, this segues nicely into the point of this post (which doesn’t happen very often). In light of the recent rulings on the DOMA, I feel compelled to weigh in on the issue. Not just because I’m a mother, but especially because I’m a mother.
First, part of me wants a large percentage of the country to go into a big “Time Out.” Why? Because, I see the opponents to same-sex marriage much the same way I see my girls when they are tired and are having trouble playing well with each other or other kids. Lots of times my fellow homemakers and I will be
trying to gossip and chat supervising a playdate when one of our children will come up and whine about something another child is doing. Oftentimes, the conversation looks a lot like this:
P: “Mommy, Blair is playing with the tea set.”
M: “Did she take it away from you? Were you playing with it?”
M: “Are you hurt?”
M: “Is she bothering you?”
M: “Okay, why don’t you worry about yourself and find something else to do? That’s a great idea, don’t you think?”
Every ounce of me wants to take those who oppose same-sex marriage, shake them, and then have the conversation above. What I really want to ask them is, “Why the HELL do you care so much about this?!?!? Are these people bothering you? Are they hurting you? No? Okay, worry about yourself and find something else to do! For the love of God, maybe start putting your energy into helping the environment or fixing the public school system!”
Whew. Okay. Let me pull myself together. I get a little worked up.
My point is this: why are these people so concerned about something that has absolutely nothing to do with them? Lots of people point to the Bible. Okay, so the way they (opponents) read it, these “same-sex spouses” will not get into Heaven. What difference does it make to you? If anything, there will be more room for you and your pals up there.
Not that I believe a second of that, by the way. For as long as I can remember I have always said that the God/Jesus I believe in would never, ever say that too much love in the world was a bad thing. Isn’t a world filled with love better than a world filled with hatred?
I consider it important to have my own personal views on this well-tuned. And, yes, even though my girls are small I already make sure to try to educate them in the most age-appropriate way. Once, we were in Chicago and a bride got on the elevator with two of her bridesmaids. Paige said “Mommy, she is getting married today! Where is her groom?” I was quick to point out that it could have been TWO brides at the wedding. And I’m pretty sure her little head almost exploded at the thought of all that beautiful-gownness/makeup/sparkly jewelry in one place.
Because, here’s the thing – none of us, not ONE of us who are parents to young children, has any idea who they will choose to love someday. I can promise you this – I won’t always be pleased with their choices. I mean, that’s what your twenties are for, right? To date people that piss off your parents?
But I can promise my children this: whomever you decide to love, regardless of race or gender, I will love them too. As long as they love you as you deserve to be loved, as long as they treat you with the respect I hope I raise you to demand, as long as they treat people around them like they matter, and as long as they promise to raise my grandchildren with good values – I will love them too. (Oh, and as long as they promise to live next door after you’re married … but we can talk about that later). No one, NO. ONE. Will ever take away your right to be whomever it is God has decided you will be. No one will tell you that you are wrong for loving another good human being. No one will make your life more difficult for simply trying to spread love into this world.
I promise you that, girls. I will fight for you and your rights to my death. Never forget that equality is what makes us human. It is what makes us remember to respect, honor and care for all those around us. It is what pushes us forward to continue to fight for those who are less fortunate and who need more. It is what keeps the world around us from crumbling into an apathetic, selfish mess.
Never forget that.
Love who you want to love, and do it with all of your heart and all of your soul. You might get hurt in the process, but it will not be from someone telling you that you have no right to love that person. Not on my watch. (Unless they have a motorcycle. That’s just dangerous. Dad, you were right.)