Like, everywhere. I won’t say literally, because my house is not actually engulfed in puke. But it really seems like it’s close.

I don’t know how I’ve been so lucky, but I’ve made it 4 1/2 years so far with really only one vomiting incident outside of baby spit-up. Which, as a new mom, you think is pretty gross. Well, guess what? It’s not nearly as gross as what happens once they start eating real food. From both ends of the kiddo, if you catch my drift.

Paige has had a cough for the past few days, and two nights ago I was sitting in my bed listening to it get progressively worse. I headed to her room to prop up her head and decided to snuggle with her for a bit. About two seconds after climbing in, Paige proceeded to gag and then vomit. All over both of us, her bed and all of her stuffed animals. And then she proceeded to freak out (obviously). After calling Derrick into the room (from the kitchen, where he practically ran following aforementioned puke), we stripped her, I rocked her, changed the sheets and she and I climbed back into her bed. No puking from her since, so I figured it was probably just a fluke and the result of the coughing.

Until this morning, that is.

Derrick and I were talking before he left for work, and all three Feldmann girls were in our bed. Blair climbed down after giving Derrick a goodbye smooch (side note: she is a FANTASTIC smoocher – she makes smoochy noises and everything). She stood on the floor, gave a tiny cough, and proceeded to puke all over the place. Odd, since this has never happened to her before. Ever. I really don’t even really remember her spitting up much as a baby. In true Blair fashion, she was unfazed and proceeded to run up to her daddy and give him a hug. He left, and the girls and I settled back into our bed to read some books. And by “read some books” I mean I watched “Today,”  sipping coffee and checking my e-mail while they watched ‘Octonauts’ on my iPad.

I was talking with one of my sisters-in-law when all of a sudden Blair puked a little more. “Crap. I gotta call you back,” I told her. And I had just enough time to hang up the phone, move my laptop and turn back towards Blair before “The Exorcist” replayed itself. In my bed. With me right in the crossfires. Again. For the second time. In two days.

Now, this time Blair was definitely fazed. I plopped her onto the floor where the entire scene replayed itself. She cried and ran towards me for a hug. There’s certainly no need to provide an in-depth visual of this. You get it, right? No? She (covered in vomit) ran towards me (also covered in vomit) across a vomit-covered floor. Got it? (Okay, I’ll stop – it’s like a game for me now to see how many times I can try to gross you out.)

Keep in mind she and I are both covered in puke (ha – I couldn’t resist). And Paige is still sitting in our bed, staring at the mess next to her. Not actually touching her, mind you. But awfully close.

So she proceeded to dry heave. In a very fake, over-dramatized fashion. On second thought, I guess you could say “in true Paige fashion.” Those descriptions are interchangeable. Seriously, people. The dramatics are inspiring. It was so ridiculous I wish I had audio of it for her. Alas, I wasn’t thinking about finding my phone at that very moment.

Also? I’m not sure if you remember that above I mentioned that Paige had been sick like this once before. Just after she got her tonsils out. When she puked DIRECTLY ONTO BLAIR. Who had zero reaction except to look at Paige and smile. Jeesh. What a difference a birth order makes.

So, I decided it was probably time to cancel our planned playdate to The Children’s Museum, which led to dry heaving AND tears from Paige. I then decided today was a terrific day for a mid-morning bath and pjs. For all of us.

Oh, and that I now had a great reason to finally get cracking on my ‘Spring Cleaning List’. (Yes, it has a specific title. Yes, it’s a Word document. Yes, it’s two pages long. COME ON, people! Don’t you know me at all?!?!?) I was lucky enough to have done a dry run of washing my sheets, mattress cover and down comforter just yesterday in anticipation of getting started sometime this week. So I got to do it all over again today, as well as clean the rug, mop and sanitize the floor, and wash and iron the bedskirt.

That Blair. Always trying to help her Mommy out.


2 thoughts on “Puke.

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