Bedtime Stories

Derrick usually does the bedtime routine around here. Let’s face it, by 7:00 pm I’m ready to clock out. And, honestly, the girls are probably sick of me, too. (Not that you’d be able to tell … since they run into the living room where I’m watching ‘The Bachelor’ or reading blog/Facebook posts I’ve missed during the day the news or reading poetry and jump up on my lap to give me hugs and kisses. I don’t really mind that part – I mean, it’s not horrible being the most popular, right? The fighting and screaming that’s also usually involved? That I love not so much.)

However, as a lot of you know, Derrick travels for work. And we’re getting close to the time of year where his travels take him away from home during the week more than he’s here. And while it’s somewhat physically tiring and more than a little mentally exhausting to be with a 1 and 4 year old all day, every day, it’s occasionally pretty funny to hear the “gems” that come out at bedtime.

Blair is pretty cut and dry. It’s her usual routine. Jammies, show, teeth, book, song, bed. Followed by her standing and screaming “MAMA!!!” until I go back in and remind her she needs to go to ‘nigh-nigh.’ And I remember to say it nicely, obv.

With Paige, it’s a little more involved and a LOT more calculated. How, you ask? Here are a few of the beauties I heard in the 20-minute span when I was repeatedly called into her room after putting her to bed tonight (it didn’t help that I was cleaning the kitchen, which is about 10 inches from her bedroom door):

  • Mommy, I need some water in here. I feel so dehydrated. Really. I am so very dehydrated from running to brush my teeth and chasing my sister, Bear (like I was unsure of which sister she was chasing?).
  • Mommy, can you read me a nigh-nigh book? The ones you read to both Blair and me upstairs don’t count. They were upstairs! In her room! We are down here now!
  • Mommy, I need more pillows under my head. I can’t see these books unless I sit up and it hurts my neck (she gets to have 2 books and a flashlight in bed when we have a good night).
  • After showing her how she can roll onto her side, prop up the book and hold the flashlight to read Mommy, these books are too big, I need smaller books or I will never be able to hold them up.
  • Mommy, I can’t read. I’m trying to look at these books, but I can’t read. I not-so-gently informed her that it was true, she couldn’t read. However, we were not going to learn tonight. So, she could either look at the pictures or I could go ahead and just take the flashlight and all of her books into the kitchen with me.
  • Mommy, I think we need to get some books about Easter.
  • Mommy, remember those cute Elmo Easter eggs Bear got last year? Oh, she was so excited. 
  • Did I have Elmo Easter eggs when I was little? I wonder if we will get them again. 
  • Do you think the Easter bunny knows Elmo? 
  • How many days until Easter? 
  • When are we going to Florida? 
  • What do you … Insert big smooch on her forehead, with a warning letting her know I would NOT be coming in again, I love her very much, and I will see her in the morning.
So, it’s mildly amusing tonight. Check back in after I’ve been doing this multiple days on my own. My guess? Not so funny.
You’d be smart to buy stock in Chardonnay before the end of March. I’m just sayin’.

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