Poop

This may be stupid. I’m sure I’m jinxing myself. But, I can’t. I just can’t keep it from you any longer.

Folks. We have a pooper.

Paige has officially NOT pooped in her diaper for the past three weeks.

Now, you might be thinking, “Um, this should DEFINITELY not be a big deal. Isn’t that child 4 or something like that?” Or something more along the lines of “What the hell is that mom’s problem? Didn’t she try pulling out all the stops to make this happen?”

You would be a tad self-righteous and much judgy-er than folks I like to hang out with … but you also might not know Paige all that well. To say we have been dealing with this stubborn little girl’s potty issues for awhile would be the understatement of the year. Probably the century. If necessary, please review our efforts here (circa early-summer 2012). And also here (a few months later). Also, please keep in mind that Paige was fully potty-trained (from a #1 standpoint) by August. 2011.

Yes … more than a year ago.

Derrick and I had officially decided that one of us would probably end up going to college with her, because we’d have to be there to change her poopy diaper each morning.

And then, I ran into a mom friend of mine who I knew was having similar issues with her daughter who is just a few weeks younger than Paige. And they had recently solved their problem. By taking away something she loved.

And then it hit me. Oh. My. God. It was brilliant in it’s simplicity. Sure, we had threatened, yelled, and taken away books, blankets, stuffed animals … pretty much everything. But we had not yet stooped to taking away the one thing she loves most. More than anything in the world.

Technology.

People. I shit you not (pun entirely intended). We told her one time – ONE TIME – that if she pooped in her diaper, she would get no technology the next day. No iPad. No iPhone. No TV. No iXL. Nada.

Oh, and I also may or may not have made a point to stress that Blair would not be affected by this ban. That if Paige lost privileges but Blair wanted to watch a show or play with the iPad, then Paige would have to go into the other room and find something else to do.

That first nap after the new rule, she tried to call my bluff. I was prepared for this (I mean, I’m not sure who she thinks she’s dealing with … because she’s dealing with the girl who wrote the freaking book on being stubborn). And she had to sit in her room while Blair and I watched a ‘Bubble Guppies.’ And while her Daddy and I laughed unnecessarily loud every 10 seconds or so. It sent her into a tailspin.

And she has not pooped in her diaper since. No kidding. Not ONE. SINGLE. TIME.

In fact, she even went to school last week and pooped. At school! In a public bathroom! Holy turnaround!

My favorite part of this story is that her teachers said following said poop, Paige walked out of the bathroom back into class, arms raised in victorious pride, and loudly announced “I just poopied on the potty everyone!” And her classmates cheered and clapped. What? That didn’t happen to you at some point today? Seriously? I would have paid money to see that. 

And now, before she goes to bed, I always ask “Okay, what happens if you poop in your diaper?”

And she looks at me with those big eyes (crossed, usually, because her glasses are off) and somberly replies, “No technology, Mommy. Don’t worry – I will NOT poop in my diaper.”

What 4 year-old talks like that – or even says the word ‘technology’? One with a technology problem, I would guess. But you know what her problem isn’t, anymore?

Pooping on the potty.

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