Just One Day

You know what? Just for one day, I’d like to live my life as if I were a toddler.

Now, wait. Don’t give up on me. This isn’t one of those sappy posts about how we should all take time to smell the roses, dance as if no one’s watching, blah blah blah. Sure, that’s all true and they seem to have a beat on getting the most out of life, but honestly, they don’t have much to worry about, do they?

No, what if we all decided to act like our kids on a regular day?

Here’s just a few of the things that would happen. (I had to quit after 10 things, because it’s rainy and I’m getting sleepy and think I’ll take a nap. Just kidding. Paige woke up from her nap):

1. I would wake up and demand to know what was being done that day to entertain me? “Derrick? Where are we going today? What are we going to do?” And, if I disapprove of his choice? I’m going to lose it. “No! I don’t WANT to go see a movie! I WANT to go shopping at Nordstrom! Now, just stop it!” (Actually, that doesn’t sound all that out of the ordinary. Let’s just say my kids get it honestly.)

2. I will loudly announce every time I’m going to the bathroom. And, if the door is shut and I can’t get it open, forget about it. I am going to seriously melt down. Unacceptable. In fact, I’m just going to announce everything I do just in case their might be an obstacle that would prevent/delay me. In fact, just follow me around to make sure everything is easy-peasy, K? Thank you!

3. I’m going to open a piece of gum/Capri Sun/anything that has a wrapper and just hand the trash to whoever is closest to me. If no one is close, no worries. I’ll just drop it on the floor.

4. I’m going to complain loudly when someone tries to put me down for a nap in the middle of the day, in a nice, dark room with cozy blankies. Honestly, what is wrong with these kids????

5. I’m going to wear my shoes on the wrong feet, put my underwear on inside out, and most likely wear my pants with one leg through the waist, and the waist around a leg (seriously? You’d be SHOCKED at how often this happens at our house.Usually all at the same time). I will also pierce your eardrums with my screams if you attempt, nay – even suggest, I change these mistakes.

6. If I am finished with my snack, I will simply grab the snack of the person sitting next to me. If they get upset, I’ll just explain we’re “swapping.” “Here, take my empty bowl. This is your snack now, okay?”

7. If you dare to upset me in any way, which might even just mean making eye contact with me at any given time, I will pull your hair. I’m not kidding. I will grab a chunk with each hand and pull in opposite directions.

8. In most conversations I’m just going to repeat the person’s name over and over and over and over and over again. I will also say said person’s name at the beginning of each sentence. Especially if we are the only people in the room. Just so they know who I’m talking to. Oh, and hopefully that person will be on the phone or talking to someone so I can be sure to interrupt.

9. I will protest LOUDLY anytime anyone wants me to use the restroom before we leave the house. In fact, I will throw myself on the floor until people just give up and tell me “Fine! You don’t have to go! I get it.” Then, as soon as we get on the road I will say I do indeed need to pee. And that it’s an emergency and I can’t hold it. I really, really can’t.

10. I will be indifferent to the stares of others when they react to my display of emotions. And I will display whatever emotion I am experiencing loudly and the instant I feel it. And I will change that emotion constantly, like the flip of a switch. I will hate you, then I will love you, then I will be hungry, but if I have to get up to get a snack, I will not be hungry anymore. I will be tired, and I will want you to carry me to get a snack. No? Fine. I will scream.

And I will win. I will beat you down until you give up and I get my way.

And you will love me anyway. Because I’m cute and the funny things I say totally (okay, mostly) outweigh the fits and screams.

And, let’s face it. I keep life interesting with all my personalities.

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