Dress for Success

(Warning to the faint of heart: this post contains the word “vagina.” So, if you’re a wimp tad squeamish, skip to my next post. Or, honestly, probably just stop reading this blog altogether.)


I’ve been really lucky up until the past few weeks. Paige wasn’t at all interested in picking out her clothes, and was ready and willing to let me dress her. Now, she’s decided she wants to get dressed “ALL BY MYSELF!” That is, until about 3 seconds in and she loses it and decides she does, indeed, need my help. (She still doesn’t pick out her outfits, but only because her clothes are hung too high for her to reach them. Sue me – I may be “stifling her creativity,” but I’m freaking sick of picking up clothes and hangers all day. I get enough of that with my husband around.)

So, now that she’s dressing herself, more often than not her clothes are either inside out, backwards, on wrong (more on that in a second) or missing altogether.

Inside out and backwards, I’m sure you get. These often occur at the same time. If we try to help her “fix it” she loudly let’s us know that she likes her clothes that way. Fine. Not worth the fight, and honestly she looks more than a little cute with her clothes like that. With her personality, she can rock it.

Missing, you wonder? Here’s a story to illustrate: We were at my parents for the Fourth of July, and Paige was downstairs visiting with her Botsie. He loudly called upstairs for Derrick and I, and then let us know that Paige had decided to not wear panties that day. And she was wearing a tutu. And practicing handstands. In front of the television. Yikes. Poor Botsie. We quickly remedied the situation (albeit with my 6 month-old nephew’s swimsuit – her amazing parents forgot to pack both extra panties and a swimsuit for her).

And now for the issue of clothes on wrong. Looooots of times we end up with two legs in one pant leg. Or one leg through the waist and one leg through a leg hole. Or, perhaps, like the situation we encountered today. Both legs through the waist, one leg hole around the waist, other leg hole just hanging out – unoccupied.

Normally, I would let this slide (again, TOTALLY not worth the fight) and hope she learns her lessons by the massive amount of wedgies she ends up with throughout the day (she typically does not learn anything, except how to expertly pick a wedgie while running/swinging/jumping/etc.). However, we were on our way out the door to the park. And Paige was wearing a dress. I was not about to let her bare-ass it down a slide or on a swing in a public park.

Needless to say, the next five minutes did not go well. After much chasing, arguing, threatening and screaming, I had had enough. I looked at her and yelled “Paige! Come on! We are not leaving until I fix your panties! Your vagina is hanging out!!!!”

Yep. Let’s just hope that’s the last time I ever have to say those words out loud.

To anyone.

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